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STOP WATCHING, START LIVING  
09:31AM 19/11/07
 
 
Zzy
NEW JOURNAL: zzyklonb
 
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016  
04:17PM 29/07/07
 
 
Zzy
Possibly one of the best times of my life.

I can't count to three but I can count to JAGERMEISTERCollapse )
location: home
mood: happy
music: Porcelain and the Tramps - Redlight District
 
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014  
11:52PM 19/07/07
 
 
Zzy
Looking at clouds, some of them look like puzzle pieces.

Then you watch them come together.

Just like every individual world. Everything comes together. In the end.

Then it just goes away, goes on.
location: home
mood: contemplative
music: Evanescence - Even in Death
 
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013  
11:53PM 09/06/07
 
 
Zzy

I MISS YOU
location: home
mood: saudade
music: Nine Inch Nails - And All That Could Have Been
 
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012  
01:53PM 08/06/07
 
 
Zzy
Like days after my last post I almost lost my home or job. Or both. But I'm just so lucky.

I guess.

I'm losing Topher. Well, I think I am. I'm sick or something, and it's putting a strain on us. I'm worried about how sick I am, and if it will affect him in any way. And if it does, it's my fault. I know it is. I'm the dirty one.

Eh.

I get depressed and feel extra dependant towards him. I love him and won't get a chance on my own if I lost him.

I don't want anybody else
When I think about you I touch myself
location: home
mood: worried
music: Jack Off Jill - I Touch Myself
 
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011  
11:16AM 22/05/07
 
 
Zzy
You fucking make me sick.

I'm tired of my exes (and former cuddle bitches) who not only used me then, but who continue using me for almost the same reason.

You got my ass. Now you want my friends'.

And why Lizard? I may just as easily ask why not, but still? And she's not the only one, just the latest. But each time I notice the leeching, it's the same girl for a while, and it's not her fault, I understand, but FUUUCK.

It's like as soon as I push them away from me, they surround me almost as close as before. The efforts to remain in my life are astonishing, but quite the frustration.

But thank you, divine entity/ies, for giving me him and my one form of happiness.
location: school
mood: frustrated
music: Wednesday 13 - Bad Things
 
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010  
11:50AM 10/05/07
 
 
Zzy
28 Weeks Later is a movie you want to go see tomorrow.

My boyfriend is magnificent, incredible, etc. I never realize how happy I am with Topher until I realize I need to leave (physically speaking) and then once I left. I love Millenium Park. I love city lights. I love Chris.

And...Collapse )
location: school
mood: abandoned
music: Murderdolls - Dawn of the Dead
 
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009  
12:27AM 30/04/07
 
 
Zzy
Depressing cigarette break.

I need the pain more than anything, I need to feel I'm aliveCollapse )
location: home
mood: thinky
music: MNEMIC - Illuminate
 
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008  
10:45AM 16/04/07
 
 
Zzy
Getting piercing supplies.

Sam is going to be my mentor. After I did my own she wanted me to start piercing other people. Thanks to her, I found a new hobby, I guess. I did a few already, all successful.

Getting all of my federal tax money back.

$150 back in my pocket. And an mp3 player from work. HUZZAH. Oh, the reapings of labor.

Got a crush on a pretty pistol.

'Twas a nice day for a white wedding. I was actually in all white, a rarity.

It was just one of those days where everything happens so fast. I want it to slow down some, just enough to revel in it.

The search light wasn't there. Maybe my search is over. Just as quickly as I set out to search, I think I found it.

I love you, Topher.

PWNAGE.
location: school
mood: optomistic
music: Marilyn Manson - The Love Song
 
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007  
11:10AM 12/04/07
 
 
Zzy
For the past few nights, I've been watching a search light swirl across a gloomy sky.

"Dear Die-ary,

There's nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favorite shirt.

I can't say I'm very pleased with where my life is just now...

but I can't help but look forward to where it's going."

It just reminds me...

I feel as if I implicated my own demise. I'm failing 3 classes, I failed getting a better job, and I fear I will fail at yet another consecutive relationship. Everything is going to swell into one giant ball of doom.

I try. I really do. I still feel lost after planning to get better things for myself, and there is no plan B.
location: school
mood: anxious
music: Nine Inch Nails - A Warm Place
 
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